Dear Dr. Geek,
Hi. It's me, the scale at the gym. I just wanted to write to see how you were doing. You looked so dejected after you came to see me yesterday. I thought maybe a few lines from me would make you feel better about seeing me more often.
From what I'd seen of you the gym lately, I know you had every reason for hope that visiting me would be a cause for joy. I know that you've been coming in regularly. I've also noticed that your workouts have been more intense lately, both in terms of cardio and weight training. A careful look at your physique shows that there is now firm muscle on your legs and arms where there was none before. You also seem to just be feeling better.
I'm sorry that I had to be the bearer of potentially bad news. An additional five pounds is nothing awful... if it's muscle. I know, I know. I can't tell you your body fat percentage so you can know if you're a fitter five pounds heavier or a fatter five pounds heavier.
I know that you keep hoping that you can look like that product manager I see you talking to occasionally -- she is very ripped, without an ounce of fat anywhere on her body. Just remember, you still can get there if you want to... you just may need to adjust things a little bit.
From what you mentioned about that bag of potato chips (along with the explitives), it sounds like you haven't been very rigorous about following your diet. Have you been cutting a few corners here and there? Especially on weekends when your girlfriend is around? I think you need to just be more careful about keeping your caloric intake under control.
Think back to last year. You lost 15lbs in about four months -- it's a shame you got lazy and regained most of that back. You were so happy to see me then. I hope you'll be happy to see more of me again soon.
Your Friend (yes, really),
American Standard Scale #495761983
on 2003-05-06 at 5:08 p.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond