I recently had occasion to travel back to University town S. and visit my grad school stomping grounds to get my hair cut. Don't laugh. I've had the same hairstylist for almost 10 years now, and I like the way she cuts my hair. I've also had occasion to hang out with her socially once or twice, and I think of her more as a friend than just a hairstylist. But I digress.
While there, I had a few minutes to kill and I ducked into one of my favorite high end housewares/cookery stores. As I was entering the store, two women were exiting. One had very arresting blue eyes, and they seem to be looking right at me (they were probably looking at the door behind me, but oh well.) I felt myself suddenly become the awkward teen somewhere inside all over again, as I tried a small smile in acknowledgement (in case she was actually looking at me.)
It was only afterward that I realized that my initial reaction to the gaze of a beautiful woman across a crowded room has not changed in better part of a quarter century. Some part of me always folds and wants to shrink into a corner.
I suppose that this is why I used to be absolutely clueless about picking women up in bars and at parties. Intellectually, I can say to myself that a better attitude is coolly and confidently recognize that I've got at least something going on that is worth a woman's attention. Saying that and doing it are two different things, however. There is always something in me that is shy, awkward, and thirteen years old.
I hope that the whole question is now academic. I've found a great gal. I hope I never have to find another.
on 2003-05-09 at 4:21 p.m.
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