I don't know if everyone has a friend who seems to live like a porn star or not. I do. I have this friend A. She's great in oh-so-many respects. We met online over two years ago, and pretty much mutually decided to be "just friends" even though we were hoping to find someone to date at the time. Unlike some other people I've met online over the years, she's dependable, sane, and a lot of fun... and just a good friend.
Perhaps, A.'s achilles heel is men. She makes some interesting choices in men. Married men seem to go after her -- if you've got a freaky wife or ex-wife, you'd probably end up calling A. after you met her. She's also met and fallen love with someone 10-12 years younger than her since I known her. That in itself isn't bad at all (quite the opposite in fact) except for the fact that A. is still in her early 30's. Do the math. A's now most recent ex boyfriend is in his early 20's. While he is a nice guy, he has relationship goals that are different from a divorced woman in her early 30's. He's still hoping to meet a Britney Spears-lookalike and just "have some fun"; this naturally makes him a little phobic about a more serious relationship.
The one common thread in so many of the men that I've heard A. talk about though is some unusual aspect about her sex life with them. One was very well endowed. Another evidently was possessed of amazing frequency and endurance. Her current paramour is "amazing sensual" and can even show a girl who has been around the block a few times some new tricks... including a few new blocks to go around.
As I ponder all of this in reference to my sex life with Girlfriend S., I find myself wondering if I haven't somehow settled into a comfortable routine already... and we aren't even married yet. I feel a certain amount of envy. I perhaps recognize that sex is a part of our relationship that we will have to work on in order to move from simply being journeymen in pleasing each other to some more advanced techniques.
Above all, I find myself trying to ignore media driven messages that seem to portray sex as close to the totality of the ultimate relationship. It is not. It is only a part, and a part that is a reflection of other parts of our lives. On the totality score, I think S. and I do well. We just need to do a little homework in order to bring out a little of the porn star in each of us.
If only all homework were as fun.
on 2003-06-05 at 11:11 a.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond