I don't know if you'd heard, but the Fox television network will soon be premiering a new reality show entitled "My Big, Fat Obnoxious Fiance." In it,
a 23 year old woman attempts to win $1 million by pretending to endure a formal engagement and wedding to a rude, slovenly, obnoxious fiance with an even more obnoxious, crude family. Her friends and relatives know none of this, and merely believe that they are taking part in the filming a reality show about a wedding. She gets the $1 million if she gets to the altar to say "I do" in a staged ceremony. Oh yes, there's an additional twist: she thinks her fiance is another show contestant like her, when he, his family, and his friends are all actors.
My initial feeling at reading about this was a sense of "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU ALL INSANE???" outrage and alarm that only someone who is going through the engagement and wedding planning process for real can feel. After getting over that though, I had to ask myself why we should limit ourselves to degrading the instition of marriage. So, I've come up with the following ideas for reality shows that I will soon be shopping around to the networks:
- My Big, Fat Unwed Pregnancy -- A female reality show contestant from the Bible Belt runs the gantlet of simulated pregnancy (through prosthetics and weight gain) after annoucing that she is pregnant from a torrid, lost, drunken weekend affair in a cheap motel. Chaos ensues when it is discovered that the "father" is of another race and a former crack addict.
- My Big, Fat Awful Funeral -- A middle aged reality contestant with a history of heart flutter announces that she/he has just won a million dollars in the lottery and will be dead within two months from congestive heart failure. Watch friends and relatives swoop in with concern for both the contestant and his/her inheritance on their minds. The actual winner is the one who manages to claim the largest portion of the inheritance.
After all, if people are going to have absolutely NO sense of pride, why shouldn't I make a dollar too?
on 2004-01-16 at 3:27 p.m.
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