Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
-Breakfast At Tiffany's<>br>
I'm definitely feeling out of sorts today... very angsty, sort of like too many Radiohead songs I can think of (I'm listening to Subterranean Homesick Alien right now.) I'm not entirely sure of the cause. Perhaps my biorhythms are off. Perhaps one of my planets is in retrograde, astrologically speaking. Or perhaps like Holly Golightly, I have a case of the mean reds. All I know is that I feel very tired, listless, and rather irritable. I'm moping about.... to the point that Fiancee S. referred to me as "Mopey Dick" last night.
Yet another situation with the future in-laws has inadvertantly wandered into this deadened and cranky state of awareness. Fiancee S.'s Godmother B. is having her 70th birthday this weekend. Fiancee S. asked me if we could do something for B. this weekend by either taking her out to dinner or having her over for dinner.
The tenative way that she phrased this request initially had me baffled. Fiancee S.'s relationship with her Godmother has had its ups and downs over the years, complicated by the fact that somtimes B. thinks of herself as a family matriarch, and therefore automatically due a certain respect and reverence. Given the complexity of the relationship, I'm ashamed to say that a number of slightly less than complimentary possibilities ran through my head. Near the top of the list was the concern that Fiancee S. was acting more out of some sense of familial obligation more than anything else. I also wondered if she was asking me so I could be the fall guy and be the reason for her to say no.
In the end though, the answer was simpler than that -- Fiancee S. just wanted to do something nice for her Godmother for her birthday. I've learned that in the sometimes intricate dance between Fiancee S. and her family it is just best to take whatever happens in stride. This was just another turn.
My own feelings about B. are curiously ambivalent. She's more of character described to me by Fiancee S. and members of her family than someone I really know. I'm a bit put off by her because of some of the things that Fiancee S. says have happened between them. Yet I know she's always tried to be welcoming and hospitable to me. She deserves the same treatment from me.
So we're going to have her over for dinner. I'm a little nervous... This seems somehow important.
on 2004-05-10 at 1:12 p.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond