As I look down at my wedding ring, I find myself compelled to say a few closing words about my experiences in the dating and mating game.
I think I can say I was a really lousy at dating. My "dating" self was this odd mixture of self absorbtion and self consciousness that I don't think ever made me an easy person to get to know. I was sometimes a cheap bastard, too... At the same time, I was always interested in getting to know a woman in ways that drifted well away from the superficial. So I was far from adept at the kind of small talk often required in bars. Having heard Mrs. Geek recount her impressions of me on our first date, I was surprised that we actually had a second date... dumb luck, really. I've heard it said that "even the blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while" and it must be true. (Well, ok, our first date wasn't that bad... but I could have been much better.)
Looking back from where I now sit, I feel mostly stupid for looking for the wrong things in anyone I wanted to date. I believe that I fell into the trap that so many men fall into -- the belief that the opinion that "I'm a man and you are really HOT" is by itself a valid reason for two people to date -- at least for a while. I won't deny that appearance is a part of the chemistry that makes dating possible, I think I could have spent more time being more concerned about the women around me as people than I actually did.
Then again, as I not long ago observed to one of Mrs. Geek's friends, I am the kind of guy that women marry, not the kind that they date. If men fall into the trap of looking solely at beauty as the criteria for dating, I tend to observe that women focus on the type of "experience" that they will have dating certain types of men... be it status, power, or lifestyle... rather than the men themselves. The man who married Mrs. Geek and myself described her as the "more spontaneous and adventurous one" and me as "steady, steady, steady". Not many women wanted 'steady' for a long time in my life, when they could have a long haired guy who played guitar or some good looking jock with a good pickup line that would be "exciting"... even if I was the sort of guy they said they wanted, but never seemed to date.
But, as I have observed more than once about my life, the tough turns only put me on the path that led somewhere good -- Mrs. Geek. She is beautiful, attractive, and we share so much in common that it is sometimes scary. It just took a little longer to get there, is all.
on 2004-08-04 at 5:13 p.m.
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