Do ever feel like your life is out of control? Do you find yourself out on the town, photographed with wealthy socialites wearing no underwear? Do you ever wake up in the morning and find yourself naked on a kitchen stove? (Is it not your own?) Have you ever moved cross country to live with someone you met only via Instant Messenger? Do you need a new liver? Have you ever torn up floors in a rented apartment without your landlord's permission? Have you been blacklisted by the municipal garbage company (those bastards!)? Have you ever let a child go hungry because you needed to buy new mud flaps for a truck? Do you ever feel the need to become a rapper or pimp, despite your semi-privileged upbringing in the suburbs? Do you commonly dress like a whore in public just to forget that you once auditioned to be on a nationally televised entertainment program for tweens? Do you ever find yourself saying "HEY Y'ALL, WATCH THIS!" and then regaining consciousness in a speeding ambulance?
If you answer yes to any of the questions above, you may suffer from Near-Medial Decision Disorder (NMDD). This condition is caused by a chemical imbalance in one of the reasoning centers of the human brain. Sufferers of NMDD frequently lack the ability to use common sense and completely lack impulse control. Those afflicted with NMDD feel a depressed sense of ennui when dealing with mundane, everyday matters and seek the kind of excitement that only a Class C misdemeanor can provide. They also seem to constantly need a couple of bucks for some beers and a pack of smokes... and hey maybe a car or truck to wrap around a telephone pole.
If you think you suffer from NMDD, there is hope for you! Thanks to a miraculous medical discovery nearly suppressed by the FDA, those afflicted by NMDD can find real relief with Glaxoprine. This new miracle dietary supplement corrects the chemical imbalance and allows individuals to make choices that won't strike fear into the hearts of pets and loved ones. For just dollars a day, you too can lead a normal, productive life without the need to join religious cults and avoid the discomfort and expense of self-administered electro-shock therapy! Call now! Order Glaxoprine today!
on 2007-01-31 at 5:27 p.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond