Been trying to think of some truly bad personal mission statements lately. Some people choose life goals like "I want to be a good parent", and "I want to stay clean and sober". I've been trying to think of things that go nowhere near that simple... or really make any kind of useful contribution to society.
"I want to go to jail in all fifty states."
"When I die, I want the Darwin Awards people to say 'Wow, that was stupid!'."
"I want to strive to be so completely and breathtakingly awesome that I will be like a tornado in a giant trailer park of my peers. Women will bare their breasts. Men will offer me beer. But don't worry, I'll also be incredibly humble."
"I wish to live an enigmatic and semi-melancholy life of aspiring mediocrity that will inspire a brooding, cult-ish biography. That book will enjoy a brief vogue with the Hollywood A-List that will simultaneously cause two independent films and a TV mini-series about my life to be produced. All of them will be panned."
"I wish to lick the bald head of a member of every race, creed, and nationality in the world, starting with someone who is Basque."
"I wish to have a commercially sold beer named after me. I don't care if it is good or not."
on 2008-05-21 at 8:41 p.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond