Often after a period of profound change when the ground seems to shift constantly beneath my feet, I tend to remember that first moment when I appeared (at least) to return to more solid ground. When I moved into the apartment where I now live, I remember falling asleep late one Saturday afternoon about three years ago as my (then) new electric dryer hummed in the background. Or the time when I moved before that, and I got to sleep in one Saturday morning after I realized that I had absolutely nothing to do that day; no packing, no unpacking, no arrangements to make. It is a sense that I have finally caught whatever it is that I have been chasing for so long and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I can live in the moment, and take care of all the little bits of business that involve having a life rather than put them off because I am riding out the storm of events and obligations.
I think Fiancee S. and finally had a moment or two like that over the weekend. I hope, hope, hope that our war with boxes is finally over. There are no more marriage encounter weekends or Godparent preparation classes to attend. There are no storage lockers to rent or carloads of stuff to put into them. I have no computers to rebuild (though I am awaiting a factory rebuilt disk from Seagate.) We have no parents or relatives to entertain. There are no engagement parties where "the Hatfields and the McCoys" of our respective future in-laws meet for the first time.
No, this last weekend was quiet. We slept in late. We went to one of these "glaze your own pottery" places to replace a butter dish I accidently broke last week (we made it look like a Holstien cow... it should be cool.) We got a few necessities (new flannel pyjamas for me) and did a little window shopping. We made it to Mass, where we heard Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" as an Offertory Motet for Christ The King Sunday and enjoyed a Kyrie and Agnus Dei by Haydn in all its choral majesty. I got my Christmas and Birthday gift list started, and we started shopping for gifts for others. We visited with some of Fiancee S.'s cousins. We made reservations for a romantic getaway this coming weekend. I cleaned the kitchen for the first time in ages. We spent a romantic evening in front of the fireplace.
In short, it was the first time in a long time when I felt like Fiancee S. and I could live in the moment without worrying about something we should be doing... and probably wondering if we would have the energy to do it. I feel as if I have finally come ashore after a long journey at sea. No doubt other such journies will begin in the not-to-distant future, but, I am glad to be here on firm dry land in a home both different from and the same as the one left. For the moment, I am at peace. It feels good while it lasts.
on 2003-11-24 at 6:01 p.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond