If I ever pursue another career, I think I want to become a svengali to a tragically hip rock band.
To do this, I need to start working on finding the following list of items:
- Develop a AI-based expert system to that takes the lyrics of old songs by The Cure, Joy Divison, Bauhaus, Peter Murphy, The Smiths, Sisters of Mercy, and Morrissey and combines them into new, beautiful lyrics for songs.
- Find a beautiful young pale blonde kid with a dark side who can sing like Thom Yorke, play guitar, and wear black lipstick. Hopefully he will be reasonably fluent in French and German.
- Find a pair of Asain twins who look and dress like Ling Bai (as Myca) in the movie The Crow and who can both play bass. As an added bit of showmanship, they will both play the same bass part during live shows and the feed to the speakers will randomly switch between them.
- Find a sweaty, 300 pound British drummer nicknamed "Moose" who will be called "der Elch" in the CD liner notes.
- Find the remainder of the band, which will consist of 3-5 keyboard players. One keyboard will consist entirely of samples of the noises of coitus taken from porn movies. This keyboard will be known as "the Orgasmitron".
I have already found a name for this band that pays tribute to their post-modern roots: Sous Erasure. Their first CD will be entitled "Derrida-Go-Go".
I figure that if I put this band together, ride herd on them, use the AI to claim all the lyrical royalties, and keep them on the road for about 200-250 days a year... I should be able to do quite well before someone dies from a heart attack, gets thrown in jail on a drug or gun conviction, or finds Jesus while in rehab.
on 2004-03-13 at 8:10 p.m.
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