Riffed by Dr. Geek
from an idea by Vitriol


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Wedding Watch Count Down: 9 days (we're in single digits!)

Fiancee S. was channel surfing the other night when who did we spot on the local Pentacostal and Evangelical cable TV station, but former Growing Pains sitcom star Kirk Cameron. Since this was a station often oft populated with the likes of Benny Hinn, various fire and brimstone preachers in ill-fitting suits and bad comb overs, and sociological symposiums about the causes of the Columbine Massacre, we were immediately intrigued. We decided to hang on for a minute and see what old Kirk was going to talk about. I now wish we hadn't.

The basic thesis of the program presented by Kirk and his co-host was to reach out to the "born again" young people across the United States and tell them how to spread the message of Jesus to the rest of us... you know, the people who are going to Hell because we've been corrupted by godless secular humanism and liberalism. The venue for this presentation was interesting... part set from Green Acres, part post-Modern attic, part abandoned SoHo loft used for lesbian theater and bad renditions of Bertold Brecht, the set was that of a rustic attic, strewn with various junk and fixtures, framing a large multipane lattice window... that had blue screen-ed flames burning behind it. Alas, it was the flames that basically signified the tone for Kirk's talk.

It was an interesting talk. It was. I don't think too many people have heard too much talk like that in a wide area broadcast since Jim Jones took the The People's Temple down to Guyana and drank himself some Kool-Aid. Well, ok, maybe it wasn't that bad... but it was close.

Kirk first spoke about the need for young people to preach the Gospel to others in this day and age. His metaphor was that of the burning house. "If I saw your house was burning down," he said "I would not walk up to the front door and politely knock to let you know that your house was on fire." "No," he continued "I would run through your neighborhood and yell 'your house is on fire! your house is on fire!'"

He next tackled the subject of literal interpretation of the Bible. After supposing that someone might NOT actually believe that Adam might not have existed in 4004 B.C.E. (according to Archbishop Ussher, Archbishop of Armaugh, Primate of All Ireland, [1581-1656]), he rendered an answer whose wisdom I cannot contradict: "Everyone has a father, right? Your Dad had a Dad, and he had a Dad and so on. Well according to the Bible, Jesus was a descendent of Adam and Jesus most definitely existed." How could I not believe that Adam existed?

Finally, he tried to tell the good young people of America how to deal with people who react skeptically to this message of Truth. "Bypass the intellect" he said, "go around the place of argument and speak directly to people's hearts." Evidently our hearts will listen to this message even our brains will not.

All I could speak to at that point was how my heart, my head, and my bowels were reacting to the thought that I would have to spend another minute listening to Kirk Cameron talking about spreading the Word. I started BEGGING Fiancee S. to change the channel... and if that didn't work, I was going to resort to some very un-Christian VIOLENCE, thank-you-very-much. Fortunately for all involved, Fiancee S. was quickly persuaded... and domestic bliss was restored... leaving only sad memories of a sitcom star and flames outside the Green Acres Crack House attic window.

Let me close by saying that I have nothing against those who choose to be Born Again, provided they do something interesting with it. Be like Jimmy Carter: he was born again after losing an election run for Governor of Georgia in the late 1960's and decided to go New York City to give away Bibles door-to-door for a year or two. Don't just try to "bypass the intellect and avoid the place of argument". Pulleaseee. But then again, that's why Jimmy Carter got the Nobel Peace Prize for his humanitarian and social efforts during and after his time as President. Kirk Cameron? He's just a washed up sitcom actor with a closet full of Cosby Show-type sweaters from the 80's and an occasional invite to do a Growing Pains reunion... that I never watch.

I wonder if they'll send all non-essential government personnel home the day that Jimmy Carter is buried. *sigh* Probably not if a "born again" Republican is in the White House. He'll be too busy trying to get G. W. Bush's face put on the $100 bill... since he is a national pillar of strength and all.

said drgeek on 2004-06-17 at 10:31 p.m.


The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond

those first two estates - 2009-02-04 12:58 p.m.
nativity - 2009-02-03 9:28 p.m.
I am with Brahman - 2009-01-28 9:43 p.m.
angry - 2009-01-25 2:58 p.m.
i am - 2009-01-23 8:33 p.m.