I'm taking a little break from developing my new death metal/surf rock band concept, named Ümläüt, and their first album (which will be named either "Bury Me With My Board" or "Wipe Out And Die!") containing a speed metal, hard core version of the "Hampsterdance Song".
Instead, I'll be spending the next few days working up a pitch for a March/December romance along the lines of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. They can meet while she's pole dancing at a local strip club, she gains weight, he dies, and then the fun ensues over who gets to inherit. The film can cover all the big Hollywood bases: big breasts, tight abs, lots of food, B movie sex, fueding with high society neighbors, low comedy, pole dancing, gun play (the couple can shoot skeet in their spare time), and court room drama. It could become the Giant (James Dean's last film) of the new millenium.
They say that 90% of directing is casting and I figure that casting will be key. Marlo Brando is dead, so he won't have quite the right look for the role, almost but not quite. Jack Nicholson could probably work... though he'd probably only sign on if there was a legitimate chance that he would actually be able to sleep with his co-star. If not him, maybe Dennis Hopper would do it, though he'd probably want to do it on helium. For his co-star, Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan would probably be ideal... though some bust augmentation would probably be preferable to truly capture the stripper look. I wonder if someone like ILM can do CGI breast augmentation? Note to self: develop CGI breast augmentation software for use in film and make a killing for the porn industry.
Yeah, Jack Nicholson and Britney Spears... there would be a movie for the ages. Well, gotta go pitch that baby, take the money, and run! Oh yes, must file with the Screenwriters Guild for a professional alias, so as to be able to go out in public when the film finally comes out in a year starring James Brolin and Mariah Carey.
on 2005-10-18 at 1:44 p.m.
The Wayback Machine - To Infinity And Beyond