I've been reading some weird stories (in Diaryland diaries and advice columns) about what women are willing to accept in terms of behavior from their boyfriends, husbands, and exes. I've seen a lot of this behavior in women I've met with men other than me, and, I'd like to offer a few friendly words of advice to any female readers who happen across this diary.
- Don't be impressed and tempted to get back together with your ex if he calls you to pour his heart out to you from jail. This is doubly true if he's still drunk and in jail.
- Break up with him if he begins to behave in ways that threaten your safety. You know, situations like, say, when your boyfriend says he has a "surprise" while you're making love and that "surprise" turns out to be handcuffing you to the bed against your will, asking that you perform sex acts that you don't feel comfortable with, and then saying afterward that you should be impressed that he didn't make his request into a demand backed up by physical force.
- Don't try to impress a guy you've been dating for 3 weeks by co-signing a credit card with him when you know he's having difficulty even holding on to that part time bouncer's job at the bar where you met him. Corollary: Don't be surprised when he turns around and uses this credit card to buy a used Harley he can't afford and you're stuck with the payments.
- Be careful about falling in "love" with guys over the Internet. Don't move half way across a continent just because you talk online and then meet in person for a week. It also not advisable to pursue serious relationships with people who live half way around the world who you can only see once or twice in two years.
- Hearing a man say that his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend "tricked me into getting her pregnant as we were breaking up so she could continue to remain a part of my life," is not an endearing statement of love. It should be an alarm bell that makes you run away screaming until he's undergone several years of therapy.
- Giving the registration for your nearly new vehicle to your dope-smoking, handyman boyfriend without first making him take out a loan to assume your loan payments on said vehicle is not a symbol of your true love. It is, however, a way for you to get stuck with the payments after he's significantly depreciated the re-sale value of your vehicle by putting 30K miles on it in a year. Corollary: You should not be surprised that if you let him keep the vehicle in your name after you break up, he will take it out of state without your knowledge or permission (still leaving you with payments).
- Don't attempt to reconcile with a husband whose reaction to a trial separation is to stalk you.
- Continuing to regularly have sex with someone after you've supposedly broken up is not "taking responsibility for my life and living it on my terms", it is co-depending and feeling that you can't find someone else who is better to you.
- Any man who says "yeah, I gotta get a lawyer because those bastards at the power company keep sending collection agencies around to talk to me" is not an excellent candidate for a long term, stable relationship.
I know. I must sound like a such a straight-laced stick-in-the-mud for saying that all this drama is bad for you, and that adult, responsible behavior is good for you. Heck, I should probably never be invited to parties again for suggesting that some people need to go into therapy if they live like this. That's just me, though.
on 2003-03-28 at 10:18 a.m.
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